You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
(Oceans by Hillsong)
I am afraid. Deeply and thoroughly afraid. The dream is coming true. In 80 days I will arrive in Japan. In 58 days I'll go to an orientation conference for all the new Academy students from North America.
In less than 12 hours, I'll take the first of the placement exams. I'm not actually supposed to pass the exam. In all honesty, I'm expected to do quite badly. Least that's what I've been told.
The negative voices in my mind keep saying that, if I don't do well, my company will decide to not send me. That I've not signed my contract, so they can change their minds any moment.
My negative voices say that I'm wasting everyone's time. That I should give up. Who am I to think that I could be an engineer?
I've been praying a lot. And I've been singing "Oceans" by Hillsong nearly nonstop since it was brought to my attention at church Sunday morning. The song "Brokenness Aside" by All Sons and Daughters has been making its rounds in my head too.
I've been doing my best to have the happy face on while at work, but it's wearing thin.
Are we ready for this? Can we do this? I don't know...